Bad Ideas

Hello Kitty Tattoos. In general, I have come to understand tattoos are a bad idea for many people.  There’s a tattoo philosophy that says if you don’t want 3 (or 5 or 7) tattoos, then don’t get one, since if you like the first one, there is a chance you may get more. But if that idea does not appeal to you, then stay away altogether. If you can picture yourself with one or more, then ink away, but do so carefully. New laser surgery and pseudo temporary inks make them somewhat less permanent than they were, but they’ll never wash off like those cracker jack prize tats. Why Hello Kitty? On a trip to Pittsburgh, I stopped for lunch at a ‘SoupMan’ franchise and was served by a young woman with a 5” diameter Hello Kitty cartoon cat almost in the middle of her chest – definitely between the shoulders and below the neck. She wasn’t showing any more skin than was appropriate, but short of wearing a turtleneck, the body art was going to be visible. Maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I admire the all-in aspect of getting an unorthodox tat in an unusual place. This was way cooler than a back of the shoulder dolphin or a ankle chain of roses or the hideously eye catching lower back ‘tramp stamp’(or the male equivalent – bicep barbed wire). But I have to wonder how cool this is going to be when she’s no longer pouring bowls of chowder for an hourly wage. I know quite a few people with regrettable or questionable tattoos. Some of them have deep personal meaning, but most of them lost their cool soon after and now look ridiculous. There was a big group of guys in my high school who found an unscrupulous artist in New Hampshire (before tattoo parlors were legal in MA) who would ink up just about anyone. And of course they went and got a slew of bugs bunny/bulldog/fighting irish tattoos on their upper thighs, so no one could see their new body art. In the 90s and 2000s there was a lot of tribal art going around. I think the ‘tribe’ the tattoos refer to is a variation on the Maori-style art done in black ink and in a geometric or patterned way. Celtic knot style tattoos were also very popular. Neither style is especially unique or remarkable. If I had to, there are a few ink roads I think I would go down. Given that none of these match what I thought would be cool back in high school, I’m glad these will most likely never happen. First off would be the Latin/Russian school of prison art. These are usually single color, very elaborate and full of symbolism. Unfortunately these are heavily regulated by gangs and wearing tattoos symbolizing acts you have not done can get you in trouble, so I will be avoiding these. Next would be some sort of giant body piece. This is really the only style that makes any sense to me. If you’re going to make modifications, make some big ones. I’m thinking about something encompassing the whole back, maybe extending to the legs, arms or even stomach. There are some incredibly detailed and downright creative artists out there. It would make for a great conversation starter, even if after you walked away everyone would make the ‘crazy guy’ gesture behind your back. The third style is harder to describe, but it’s the one I think looks the best and that’s the old-school sailor tattoos. They combine the great symbolic aspects of the prison art and the creativity and color of the bigger pieces. I think a lot of sailors still get these, although as many rotate out of the seafaring professions, their opportunities for covering their arms with sea maidens, mighty ships, monsters and anchors lessen. An old salt could tell his life’s story with his art, and since many of them were illiterate, this was possibly the best way to accomplish it. Bottom line is, tough looking prison or sailor tattoos = good. Hello Kitty Tattoos = bad.

Selling old plumbing on Craigslist. Since M and I redid the downstairs bathroom, we have had a vanity top, complete with sink bowl and faucet, sitting on the floor or our loft. There’s nothing wrong with it other than it didn’t fit in with our plans and sits forlornly waiting for its next home. I figured with the grand renovation budgets all over being slashed that the market for decent used bathroom parts would be robust. Not so. I put the whole thing for sale for $50 and didn’t even get a sniff. Now this could have been because geographically, people see the name of the location and think ‘where is that place?’ or ‘I’m  not driving out there for that’. But after polling others who had done bathroom renovations, I found out old sinks go to the dump, not the used sink store. Still, there are other sinks for sale at higher prices. I’m starting to think the vultures are waiting for the price to go down to free before we’ll be rid of it.

Breaking ice dams with a shovel. There have been some ferocious, nearly record setting snow storms in our part of the world recently. As soon as the last storm is cleaned up, another one or two come by and dump 8 more inches of snow. If we lived out by Jackson Hole and tended bar to pay for our ski tickets, I think M and I would be down with this, but we are not. During the first really big storm we got, M stayed home and noticed there were some ferocious icicles hanging off the roof. Since we had just seen a TV special on the merits of snow rakes and preventing ice dams, this was close on her mind and she asked me to call the condo association to warn them. Supposedly they sent someone out to check things out, but by the next day they were melted and gone. Turns out some of the melting went into our neighbors’ bedroom closet, causing quite a bit of damage. Since that happened, I have been on a mission to not let that happen to us. Every time it snows I keep a watchful eye on the gutters and melting roof snow to see where it’s starting to pile up and where possible, I try and break it loose. To accomplish this, I take a garden shovel to our master bedroom, open the windows and remove the screens and proceed to swing the shovel above the window and onto the roof. Sometimes a great icicle will calve and explode on the back porch, but most times I only splinter ice everywhere and get soaking wet. I am satisfied that this does something, since I am at least relieving some of the weight on the gutters and I see more water dripping from the broken icicles. Unfortunately, this is also incredibly frustrating. The ice piles are huge. I would need a hammer and a chisel to break them up. I know the condo people are wary of paying more insurance claims and I see there are contractors there this week, peeling the condos like bananas to fix whatever’s underneath. Hopefully they’ll do something by next year to fix it, but for now it’s just me swinging the shovel and trying to stay dry and not fall/fail.