House-man

NOW I see where daytime TV and things like QVC come from... In the brief periods where E is not eating, howling, getting changed or playing, or things like the dishes or laundry are getting done, I really don't know what to do with myself. There are some exercises I do now and then, but these cannot be done infinitely. I can eat, which takes some preparation and cannot be easily abandoned if the lil man calls. Or I can screw off. Case in point yesterday I got caught up in an Amazon.com labyrinth, trading down purchases to get more and more for less and less. At one point though, M called down and asked if I saw Whitey Bulger was captured. Incredibly, I had not. Reading news requires a bit of concentration and time, which is at a wicked premium. It is much easier to find activities that require neither, like aimlessly cruising around online instead.

I read today that Whitey mocked Boston media members he recognized and then talked some trash to the judge at his hearing. The man has coconuts, I will grant him that. To be 81 and still getting this much attention, not bad for the all time FBI hide and seek champion.

I did manage to accomplish something else yesterday, lest everyone think I'm going start getting really wierd. I went grocery shopping at 8am. Surprisingly there were other people with the same idea. Some of them I even recognized. Our unemployed(? he rarely shaves, wears a lot of white T-shirts in public, and I hadn't seen him at the train in a while) neighbor was there, along with a lot of other middle aged guys, by themselves. When I worked at the grocery store in Brighton, the bachelor hour was 8pm on a weeknight. out here in the sticks, it's 8am.

Oh and to the old lady staring daggers at me for buying a lot of groceries early in the day and screwing up your 4 Skybar/4 Eclipse gum purchase - who eats Skybars? what is wrong with you? I don't even know what's in those things. I'm glad to see the 70s never ended for you.

Other things I have learned recently

1. Salad spinners make excellent centrifugal drying tools for baby bottle parts that aren’t quite dry coming out of the dishwasher.

2. I enjoy spying on my neighbors from E’s bedroom window. It’s a bit of a ‘Rear Window” situation since I spend so much time in there.

3. The less I am able to be online, the more disconnected I feel. Eventually, I may become completely ignorant of the world around me. At least I’ll fit in more that way.

4. As soon as I sit down for a task that takes longer than 5 minutes E starts crying. Case in point. I started this entry 4 minutes ago and he’s freaking the F out. It’s a short one today.

8lbs of poo in a 6lb bag

That’s what this is, sort of. The bag doesn’t have a weight limit, but it does weigh 8lbs, or what baby E weighed when he arrived a little over a month ago. He does this every 5 days or so. It’s been 6 and a half wild weeks since M woke me up at 2:30 and informed me that I I did indeed have time for a shower, but we were probably going to the hospital that Friday morning in May. And here it is, the last day of Spring. So what are my thoughts on this?

It’s mostly better than I expected. I must work with and be related to a bunch of drama queens, because everyone swore a baby birth was a cataclysm on my life from which I would not recover. It hasn’t been that bad so far. Sure I wake up now and then and stare at a howling red faced gas machine, but that’s ok, it’s what I signed up for. I say only mostly better than expected because there are some things I was not informed of that would have been good to know ahead of time.

1. The wild opinions of healthcare professionals. I used to have a high opinion of healthcare professionals. I suppose when it comes to lifesaving measures, I still do have a measure of regard and respect for them. However, when it comes to the mundane and possible nonsensical questions of new parents, the response I have received is less than stellar. Maybe I am no good at the boring parts of my job too? Maybe I am condescending and dismissive of the irritants and ‘this is not a problem’ problems I deal with? Nurses, administrators, physicians – all of them have been found wanting. Just about the only people I’ve had a semi satisfying experience with has been the Insurance company. Welcome to the new bizarre world. Maybe this is part of the cataclysm.

2. Everyone else acting crazy. Some people warned me that my wife and baby momma could potentially lose 15% of her mind in this baby process, and that I would need to make several long-term adjustments to deal with it. This piece of advice has been complete and utter rubbish. M has been, if anything, even better than before. Sure there was some mild crying initially, but things are much, much better now, as I was certain they would be. If anything, I think many other people are treating us differently than before and it’s a little weird.

3. The amount of stuff required to transport an 8lb human. Why does someone who weighs 5% of what I do require 500% more stuff to get around? No one told me I needed a panel truck to take a weekend trip and I am not sure this situation will get any better. I refuse to buy a larger vehicle. Maybe I will start wearing smaller clothing?

Those are my first impressions. It’s nothing that hasn’t been said before, but I’m sure people were curious about how I felt about this sort of thing. Maybe.

I can say unequivocally that I enjoy being a father, possibly more than I thought I would. I was a little worried that I’d start assuming that slope-shouldered, paunchy ‘dad’ stance with some pleated shorts and white sneakers. I’d grow some regrettable facial hair and be only able to talk about what the local sports teams were doing or the weather or my new snow tires. I’d have no idea what the wife did with the kids and step in now and then to be a ‘dad’ when I felt like it. If you see this guy coming, shoot me. Or at least hit me with the nearest heavy object. I can’t really see myself not being dad for a long, long time and I like that idea.

Part of the reason I have been able to get into this so much is that I’ve been spending a lot more time at home. A whole lot more. Like all the time. I haven’t been to work in 2 weeks. And I’m taking yet more time as I type. A could of weeks into this adventure M and I discussed how things were going and it seemed like the status quo wasn’t working, so I took advantage of Bill Clinton’s FMLA (thanks Bubba!) and will be spending lots more time with E and M while she goes back to work a bit early and I don’t. When I do go back, I will try and change my role a bit so I can spend more time with these guys, possibly working from home, and expanding the ol’ horizons. I’ve been doing the same thing more or less for almost 8 years now. Maybe I can do something else?

The worst smartphone in the world is a baby monitor. I know it’s not really a phone, but it’s sort of shaped like one, can be made by a handset maker, conveys basic information at a glance (time, date, temp) and like the worst of all email/texting/phone monsters, squawks uncontrollably at the worst possible times and is entirely un-ignorable. Well, you CAN ignore it at your own peril, but I choose not to as much as possible. And it’s not like an annoying email or even an ‘urgent’ call. Those are usually initiated by an adult, maybe even a semi-educated one. The baby monitor is initiated by well, a baby and rationales for being quiet or going away do not apply.

So that’s about it for now. I have a 6 week old who is going to wake up in 20 minutes and look for some food and maybe new clothes. And I love it.