When M and I bought Bandmeltun, I was on the tail end of a 7 year run of living with almost zero possessions. I had a tv, dvd player, playstation2, a mattress/boxspring, some assorted clothing and miscellaneous pots and pans that I retained from college and my car. The rest of my stuff was really just junk that lived in boxes until I got around to throwing it out. M’s move took a little longer, consisting of many nightly trips from Brighton out to G-town. On the first of these nights, while I cruised out to G-town solo, after work M backtracked to Brighton and then loaded up her Corolla by herself and made the long drive out in the dark. So what did I do with the extra time? A) cook a romantic meal B) unpack more boxes C) set up the TV in the middle of the living room and watch Donnie Brasco. The answer is… C. Right in the middle of a great scene where a guy is getting cut up in a basement, there’s a noise at the door and M is struggling with a box of stuff. We got her unpacked and settled in, but all was not well. When I asked what was the matter, her sad response was “I thought our first night at the condo would be special. Then I come home to gang violence??” This started a running joke that we still get mileage out of. There really hasn’t been much gang violence since that night. I occasionally fire up the PS2 for a rumble in the streets with one of the old Grand Theft Auto versions I own, but aside from that, we’ve been a gang-free zone. That may change soon. Over the weekend I had the opportunity to play the latest installment of GTA on a high-def TV and my inner thug came out swinging. I only played for 15 minutes or so, but it was absolutely incredible. I was literally howling with laughter. The game is HUGE and beautiful in a fiery, broken glass sort of way. This game is supposedly 30-40 hours of linear gameplay long, but with this particular franchise there are always thousands of hours of subplots available. However, while we did get W’s stimulus checks and the funds are available, I think a HDTV and PS3 will have to be on hold for a little while. As much fun as this was, it was a little too much fun. I had that old familiar twinge as I drove home when someone would cut me off or drive a little too slow…
The other big news this weekend was a shopping spree that came out of nowhere. As part of the financial discipline we have installed, M and I each get an allowance every 2 weeks to spend on whatever we want. I think M’s is spent before the money even hits the account, but mine has been sitting around, gathering dust. I managed to make a profit on some of it, winning $40 on a Masters’ pool. I have already pre-allocated some to fantasy football and a few rounds of golf, but largely my money is unspent. This changed drastically on Saturday. We happened to be in a ‘premium outlet’ area, shopping for a wedding gift. We purchased said gift and even managed to make it all the way back to the car and put the purchase in the car. We could have left then and there, unscathed. But we decided to go back, just to look around. Level 1 was Williams-Sonoma, where I avoided buying a mortar and pestle. Then we moved on Level 2 to find a shoe store so M could check something out she had seen online. I have a well known shoe addiction, which is odd for a man, but I don’t have a beer mirror or comic book collection so I guess it evens out. We were just about to leave when this stranger saw me investigating a pair of sneakers and commented they were the most comfortable shoes he has even worn. He stands on cement floors all day and he’s on his third pair, which he happened to be wearing. This was a boast that intrigued me. While I didn’t like his particular model, there were some others in the same family nearby. M overheard my conversation and encouraged me to try some on. I have to admit they were pretty damn nice. They were even on ‘sale’ so I pulled the trigger. Level 2 - fail. Level 3 was an UGG store, which, out of principle, I almost didn’t go in. under no circumstances would I ever normally buy anything considered trendy or desirable by any 14 year old girl. Again, I was just browsing, with no intentions of trying anything on or making any further purchases. M came by and mentioned some nice looking slipper/moccasin things. I had also seen these but was intent on not buying anything. The store manager insisted I try them on. Normally I wouldn’t have. I must have been a little woozy from my previous purchase because I went along with this suggestion. Wow. These were better than the sneakers. Maybe I was wearing really uncomfortable shoes at the time. Everything I put on was a sensual, almost erotic experience. M also liked them (although for entirely different reasons which I discovered later) and they were purchased as well. These were also on ‘sale’, although not in the ‘wow dude Ramen is 20 for a buck at the Grand Union’ sense of the word ‘Sale’, but more in the “this 2000 sq/ft house is for sale at the price of $500,000” technically on sale but is that really a sale? sense of the word. Level 3 – epic fail. By now it was almost dark, it was getting cold. Dinnertime was close. It was time to leave. We grabbed some food and started to head out. M wanted to look at one more store before we left, which I was fine with, since the spending jones was out of my system. Kenneth Cole offered some temptations – but nothing to shake me from my monk-like stranglehold on restraint. Level 4 – success. On the way out, I suggested we stop by Hugo Boss, just so M could take a look (was that really the reason?). I knew this store to be pretentious and extremely overpriced, which up to this point was a great way to not spend anything there. I had a Hugo Boss shirt once but I was too fat for it, even though it was my size and I decided this maker was designed for 130 lb Belgians and wrote it off. M wasn’t having much luck and we were conducting our victory lap when we stopped by the suit section. I rarely need suits. I already have a couple and they were acquired for relative bargains. I stay away from funerals, court and job interviews, so the need for designer wool is low. I have needed a pimp outfit though. Something I can wear to play dress up without looking like we’re there to give eulogies. Salvation Army was a logical spot for an interesting but not serious outfit like this – bad idea. So here we were at Hugo Boss half laughing but half seriously considering a dark red velvet sport coat. They didn’t have any in my size, but we tried on a few others and one or two actually looked good. Now these coats were on ‘Sale’ too, but really, come on. There’s no way anything on this store is really ‘on sale’. M really seemed to like it though and to tell the truth I did too. Now here’s where I will pause and mention something I learned in college. Were I sitting at a bar and drinking more and more and progressively buying stronger drinks, say starting with a light beer, moving on to a mixed drink and wading in to straight liquor in a dirty glass, a sober minded person would note that I would have a drinking problem and was doing something called ‘drinking with momentum’, whereby as the ability to pause and consider the consequences of actions wanes and progressively more destructive decisions are made. At this point in my shopping spree I was reaching over the bar and demanding the barkeep leave the bottle and waving my credit card around asking who wants to party. Not that I have even done that (I haven’t, really). So now I have 2 pairs of shoes and a new sportcoat (I don’t know what sport you play in this thing, but you probably don’t wear a helmet). Level 5 was a total, unmitigated disaster. So much for saving my allowance to buy that 1987 white Monte Carlo SS we pass every time we go to Target.
In other news, I have a new sport that I get to play at family get togethers. My brother MH has an older house and he is of the handyman bent, so there is always a project in the works. Most recently, a hardwood floor was installed in a sun room and kitchen. So far he’s done a great job with it. The family conversation always steers towards the next project and when it will be completed, which everyone enjoys participating in. In this case, we were discussing installing a shed for some yard tools and assorted ‘stuff’, which quickly evolved into a 1000 sq/f woodshop/summer house complete with French doors, plumbing and electricity. This would all of course be built on a series of 10ft posts that would be buried in cement tubes to compensate for the severe slope of his backyard. As the family members kept on piling on new features, he protested loudly and useless as alligator arms. This is not the first time we’ve done this to him. One time we scoped out a hand crafted stone hearth where a coal chimney was, and we’ve already planned a full bathroom and Norm Abrams-style workshop in his basement. None of this is actually going to happen but it’s fun to plan with other people’s money and time.
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