Just like the old nuns and Augustinians told me, I wasn’t going to make it to heaven. Purgatory was the best I could do if I could avoid Hell. Purgatory never sounded like it would be all that bad, actually. Heaven sounded nice and all, but to tell the truth, a lot of the stuff I’ve had the most fun doing probably isn’t allowed there. Plus it’s filled with all the people who were devout and holy throughout their lives, and we know how much fun they are. I doubt they’re suddenly going to turn into adrenaline junkies and keg-killing all-stars after 75 years of asceticism. I’ve already been to Hell, and I’m not referring to a similie-hell, I mean I have actually been to a place called Hell, on Grand Cayman. In retrospect, the name was pretty accurate. The whole day was one of the less enjoyable ones on our vacation. We sent the postcards with the Hell postmark and took some pictures, but the rest of the day was spent eating at a Hard Rock café and looking at hurricane damage from 3 years earlier. There were some turtles too.
This weekend we got to see a little bit of Purgatory. M and I happened to catch a little nice weather and decided to get active, so off we went to Purgatory Chasm a few miles down the road. We’d driven by this a few times, but had never looked into it. On Saturday we decided to make the trip. I tried to set the expectations that this would be a peaceful stroll through some large and impressive looking rocks, as opposed to the muck-jumping and trailblazing we had done earlier this year. When we got there, we were met with warning signs about the dangers of climbing the rocks and death and maiming that would follow. I still wasn’t worried, but M mentioned she was not interested in any climbing. Too late. We were already there and I was ready to go. There was a group ahead of us wearing flip flops and looking like they were ready for a picnic. As they got about 20 feet in, M saw them stop dead and turned around. I was a little too excited to see these cowards tuck tail and run. I assured M that we’d be fine and the trail would even out eventually. Truth be told, I was having my doubts about that last part, but I was ready to start scrambling. This Chasm was just as mean looking as it sounds. Picture a 10lb bag of ice you get from the store – how it’s all jagged and filled with crevices and loose chunks of ice. Now picture yourself about 1” tall and walking from end to end on that pile of ice. Now change the ice to granite and place it at a 45 degree slope. That’s Purgatory Chasm. You don’t need any special skills or tools to do it, but sturdy shoes and a modicum of athletic ability and balance are probably required to make it down in one piece. M and I had our technical gear on so we at least looked the part. Some others were visibly sweating and hyperventilating, leading pitbulls through the rocks, helping 3 year old children along and generally trying not to die. I’d recently seen a show about the Mt. Everest Expedition that was documented in ‘Into Thin Air’ and I was having a similar experience here, watching everyone flail around yet miraculously make it out alive. M did great, despite her declaration about ‘no climbing’, even incorporating a gazelle-like leap over a puddle/pond. When we reached the bottom, I suggested turning around and doing it uphill. This was met with something less than enthusiasm, so we opted for a better worn trail hike back. ‘Better’ being a matter of opinion here. The whole area is really a jumble of broken granite with some trees and moss sprinkled in. The walk back was all uphill and we were both pretty much done by the time we reached the road. So how do we reward a healthy morning? That’s right - ice cream for lunch. You don’t want to go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, or else you end up with half a grand worth of chicken nuggets and cheese. We came close, but we bypassed the chicken nuggets for Hemp Crunch and the cheese for HIGH FIBER nuggets. That’s right, I got Hemp cereal. And it’s pretty good too. I’m not wearing patchouli oil yet, but my coworkers are starting to look at me a little suspiciously. M and I somehow missed HIGH FIBER in 64 point red letters on the box she chose, but it looked ok in the store. We’re concerned about eating it and then leaving the house too early. Maybe we’ll save that for a rainy day.
On the menu this weekend was a 4lb bone-on smoked turkey breast with grill-roasted herb potatoes and roasted corn on the cob. The first smoking adventure of the season was a great success. The griller/smoker combo we got last year looks like one of those old steam locomotives with smokestack at one end. When we get that sucker going, the whole complex gets smoked out, and I did it right on Saturday. I always check around for open windows nearby before I fire it up, just so I know where the complaint will come from. So far, we’re at a 0% complaint rate. On Sunday, the weather wasn’t quite dry enough for golf, so we decided to grill again. Unfortunately, I neglected to use a drip pan on the turkey and half of the grill was coated in turkey fat. After breakfast I did a cleaning and we set out for some garden supplies while the grill dried out. My plan was to do a grill-roasted Cuban pork butt. The recipes I read were asking for cook times of upwards of 9 hours for a 8lb roast, which I was not down with. I got the swine brined while the garlic-citrus paste was made and the grill heated. Since the roast was considerably smaller than 9lbs, we were eating in less than 3 hours. I didn’t get the carnitas-style caramelization I was looking for, but there was a nice crust and the requisite pink smoke ring was present, so I am definitely making progress on my BBQ PH.D.
Lastly, I’m going to go on a little rant here. While I do work for a relatively small company, I get to interact with large number of people on a daily basis. As a result I get to experience and lot of different work styles, giving me the opportunity to develop rash and irrational opinions about how people work together. This is going to sound a little like George Carlin\Jerry Seinfeld, but bear with me.
#1 “No Offense” Really? No offense, but I am expecting to be offended now. No, really, I will take your insult and brush it aside. Thank you for the heads-up. I will be sure to return the favor next time I feel like trashing you.
#2 “Real Quick” Whew! Thank you for telling me your comments will be fast and to the point. Now that we’ve established that, let’s hear what you think is a quick point to make. Wait, it’s actually 3 points, complete with a follow up question? Oh… Ok then. What you meant to say was “Give me 5 minutes and then you can return to what you were saying”, but I forgive you.
#3 “Got a Minute” or anything that gives a fixed time. In my experience, anytime someone quantifies how long something they think a task will take, it tells me they’ve already decided it’s going to take too long for them to handle on their own and if they ask for a minute, they really want half an hour.
#4 “germane”, “suffice”, “as per”. I get it. Really I do. You went to a meeting and heard someone say these words. You were impressed to the point where you decided to incorporate these into business chat. I have a problem using words at work that you don’t use in normal conversation. I have conversations with you about your weekend and what your kids are doing. You never talk like this. Why do you put on the act when you’re speaking in front of a group of people? We’re the same people you deal with every day. I’m not fooled.
#5 Answering a question no one asked. Ah… so you don’t understand my question, do you? You’re stalling, rephrasing the question, now you’re starting to talk. I agree with what you’re saying, we all know this to be true. What about my question – are you going to address that? Some acronyms? Jargon? Oh no.. you’re nodding, trying to get me to nod too. Oh you think you’re done, you’re smiling! I can really embarrass you now. I should say “I hear your words, but I don’t understand what that means for my question”, but I’m nice. You get off publicly and I will ask you in an email later on today.
Already looking forward to Memorial day. Cheers
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